Sven solves striker problem

England manager Sven Goran Eriksson has solved the team's striker problem at a stroke. 'Actually, there is not really a problem', the Swedish sage said, 'even though one of our four strikers is injured and another cannot play in evening matches because it is past his bedtime. We can see that Iran who brought six strikers are now out of the competition. Also, John Terry can score goals, so we can count him as a striker. So I am very happy about that.'

Nevertheless, Sven unveiled his master stroke. 'Referee Graham Poll is not available any more to referee matches because of an unfortunate incident. So he is no longer a referee. But he is officially present in Germany. Hence, I can invite him to join the squad.'

'Here we have a man who is involved in the Premiership week after week and has played alongside every team. It is unusual to find such a breadth of experience.'

'Also he would give our team something quite distinctive. His ability to step out of the way of the ball is a quality you do not find in most strikers and will confuse defenders.'

'Also he will still have his cards up his sleeve, so perhaps he will wave them at an opposing player who tackles him and they will think he is still a referee and leave the field of play.'