Trainee match analyst named for Trams clash

Ivy

Trainee match analyst Ivy gets her first reporting assignment at tomorrow's FA Vase clash between Croydon and Leamington. Senior match analyst Hooch the Pooch said that the rescue dog was 'a quick learner. This is just the sort of match for a puppy to cut her teeth on, plus she can sort out any low lifes who wander over from Sellout Park.'


Senior match analyst Hooch the Pooch gives Ivy the good news on a training walk on the towpath of the Grand Union canal near his Long Itchington, Warwicks home

Ivy is having a sleep over at Hooch's canalside Long Itchington home so that she can receive final instruction on the offside rule. 'The cardinal rule', said Hooch, 'is that the human linos get it wrong at least fifty per cent of the time.'