Club's plan to boost goals and entertainment

Charlton has come up with a dramatic new plan to boost goals and entertainment next season: the team will be going on horseback. A spokesman explained, 'It all started when one of the lads was on holiday on the Hungarian plains and went to watch some "horse football" while his wife was having a mud bath. This is not polo with some bunch of toffee nosed twits who think they are Chazza and humping a ball with a piece of stick. Of course, you have to use a larger football. But it really will be "showtime at The Valley"'

The spokesman continued, 'We phoned up equine magnate John Window at the Mount Marschal Stables and asked if he could send a few of his nags down to Sparrows Lane. The horse box duly arrived and some of the lads have really taken to it. Kish is already riding bareback, but unforunately Merv got thrown off his mount.'

The spokesman denied that donkeys featured in the plan. 'The only donkeys involved will be riding the horses.' In case a horse goes lame before a match the club plans to do a deal with the Met to borrow their horses as subs while the game is on. The club is also entering into an agreement with Greenwich Council to recycle any horse manure dropped on the pitch.

The spokesman denied that the plan would be unfair to opposing teams. 'It's up to them whether they go on horseback or not'. The first game planned under the new scheme will be launched with a horse drawn Rickshaw which will run from Welling.